Honkie-tonk-bedonkie-donk

JUST KIDDING!

I'm NOT really going to see Trace Atkins tonight, but I am going to a pre-party that is celebrating the arrival of Trace Atkins. (I wonder how many people will now come upon my site after Googling Trace Atkins TRACE ATKINS TRACE ATKINS TRACE ATKINS)

Then I am riding all of the rides that are included in my $10 fair entrance fee.

Next, I will sober up in the beer tent. (no joke - who's seen me drink a beer? NO PERSON, COME ON)

I will reminisce of my fair pageant days and wish that I could cheer for the very average girls who work way to hard to compete in a county fair pageant.

I will wake up Saturday morning, go to my expensive haircut, buy some more liquor, lay by the pool, come home, balance my checkbook and wonder how the hell I spent so much money in the three days since I got paid.

Then I will pretend staying in Saturday night reading will make up for all the lost money.




(Currently listening to "Ballad of the Thin Man" - my current fave Dylan song -- sometimes I think going electric was one of the sexist things Dylan ever did. I know)

the past

My crazy ex-boyfriend found me on myspace.

(photo for your pleasure)

The last time I saw him in real life was when I was down in Florida four years ago. He told me my friends and I would have to stay in a hotel because he "didn't care about meeting them, he only wanted to see me."

We went for a walk on the beach to spend some time together and catch up -- he kissed me, just to make sure he could. He talked about how we would one day get married and have kids together.

"But Nick, you know I don't want children."

"You'll have my children." (this wasn't completely a joke)

We used to get in raging fights. One time he threw a remote control at me and it exploded less than a foot from my head.

Example of his insanity:
When I was in college and he had first moved down to Florida, he told me that one of his cats had died.

A few months later he mentioned his two cats. I said that I thought Kitty had died. He laughed and said, "Oh, I just told you that to see what you'd say."

Who lies about their cat dying??


He came through town last year, on his way to visit his dad in MN. I HID. I told my mom to lie when he called and say I was out. He kept calling and she kept lying. I was convinced he would just stop by.

I told her that I was really sorry to put her in the position, but if he came tot he door, I would hide in the basement until he left.

He didn't stop by and when he sent me the message (this is one of his profile pictures) I thought he was still in Florida, a 24-hour-drive. He moved to MN.

I feel okay about talking to him for now, but if he comes through IL, I still plan to hide.

I'm a bad person today because ...

I can't bring myself to pick up my large dog's warm, squishly poop with a bag over my hand at the park.